The last three years have been full of more change than some people have in a lifetime. I got divorced, found the love of my life, got pregnant, got married, had a baby, had surgery, our house was flooded, lost my newborn nephew, refinanced our house, and now am dealing with a major flea infestation brought on by one of our dogs that got loose and brought home some unwelcome friends, as well as updating the kitchen, and patio and redoing our floors. Needless to say, I have changed. From a fairly carefree girl, with tons of leisure time, able to go out dancing, have happy hours, and occasionally drink myself silly to a woman with responsibilities, a partner that I deeply respect and a child I am deeply devoted to and whose needs come first. Period. Also, I'd rather hang out as a family now than by myself. Maybe that seems lame to some but give me a patio, some family, friends and my husband and son over any bar, any day.
Needless to say, I have shed some friends along the way.
As a very loyal person, and a person who tries to treat my friends very well, I have been continually surprised at how hurtful girls can be. From the nutjob that brought cocaine to my family's vacation home without my knowledge and certainly without my blessing, to my childhood best friend who drunkenly screamed my personal business (most of it untrue and exaggerated) to a house full of people to the most recent heartbreak. My best friend made a comment about my mothering that I'm not sure I can recover from. There had been tension mounting for a while. She works and I stay home with my son, so she had invited me to happy hours and movies and things in the evening when I like to be home to feed my son and put him to sleep. He had been in a very clingy stage, and I had been going through hell trying to get him to bed some nights and I didn't want to leave him while he was having this issue. I tried to explain this to her at an afternoon Starbucks chat, and she looked at me like I had been lobotomized.
It took me a month or so to confront her about this, I admit to being a bit of a coward when it comes to confrontation, and when I did, I was almost sorry I had. She remembered the conversation and knew exactly what I was talking about. And while she said she was sorry for 'hurting my feelings', she said that she thinks that I intentionally made my son dependent on only me 'on purpose, to make myself feel important'. I was absolutely crushed and floored. As she is not a mother, there was no way that I could explain to her that it's not about me anymore. That when it comes to my child, it's whatever is best for him. 'making myself feel important' doesn't even enter into the equation. As a stay at home mom and breastfeeding mother, it is natural that I am more physically close to my son. I am his main source of food, love, clean diapers, etc. My husband is great with him. The absolute best at making him laugh, however, when it comes down to it, I spend the most time with him and he gets nourishment from my body, so OF COURSE he is dependent on me.
At first, all I could manage to say back was 'WOW, OK'. She told me that she is sorry she hurt my feelings that first day, but that she is not sorry that was her reaction and that is how she feels and will never be sorry she has opinions on things. How do you argue with someone or make up with someone who isn't even sorry for making assumptions about your personal life or the way you raise your child??? I told her that we needed to take a breather and think about how to move forward. Now that I have thought about it, and the deep hurt and anger from her remark has set in, I'm just not sure how to move on from this one.